Welcome to My Journey: The Story Behind This Website

Hello everyone, my name is Terri, and I would like to start off this first blog entry with an explanation of why I started this website.

I was an unwanted child of a married couple and lived through 18 years of cruelty, mental and physical abuse.  I also had a younger sister. Both parents were perpetrators, but they never teamed up and went after me together.  My father was career Army, so you know he had to be careful, to a point, not to get himself in trouble.  His biggest concern was his career.  Also this was the 60s and 70s.  We mostly lived on military bases or overseas.  There was a hodgepodge of various laws that had been passed about reporting, etc. But it was not until 1974 that a federal law was passed.*  We didn’t know about that, nor about the Family Advocacy Program (FAP), created after the troops came home from Vietnam.  My Dad only told us what he wanted us to know.  At the time the law was passed and FAP was created, we were already back living overseas.  Even with that law, there was a loophole.  Until 2016, military members were only required to report suspected child abuse to their supervisors.**   I never received any type of help or treatment.  I think the military doctors suspected there was some sort of abuse going on.  I heard the questions they asked my mother  But nothing ever came of it. By the time I hit the ripe old age of 18 in that last house of horrors, I was well on my way to developing drinking, drug, and risky behavioral problems.  When I graduated high school my mother gave me a suitcase as a gift.  With all the things she and my father taught me I needed more than one suitcase to carry all that baggage with me:  fear of being abandoned, extreme self-hatred, body dysmorphic, fear of failure, control issues, inability to express emotions to others, inability to form relationships, internal anger, migraines, insomnia, and rage issues.

After a couple of years, surviving unscathed in the so-called real world and never having been arrested, I woke up and realized I was doing incredibly stupid and dangerous things on the streets with the bad people I was hanging out with, and I was either going to end up dead or in prison.  I decided I was too smart for that, and I could make something of myself.  I stopped the drugs, cut the bad people completely out of my life along with the stupid behavior, and joined an organization that saved my life...the U.S. Air Force.

It wasn’t easy by any means.  Growing up with those parents and the multiple houses of horror, I had a boatload of problems, but I kept them to myself.  I was determined, no matter what, that I would escape and succeed.  Little did I know that I was a walking stereotype of an adult survivor of childhood abuse.  But the Air Force helped do the first thing that helped, took me far away from where I had been living.  Not as far as I wanted to go, but at least a thousand miles.  

I was “surviving” until the first true crack happened on 11 Sep 2001.  Yes, that day.  My ability to keep everything buried started to fall apart after that.  Those MF SOBs took away the sense of safety I had built for myself as a U.S. Citizen and as a member of the USAF.  But I kept it quiet at work, I only broke down at home.  The struggle to keep it subdued was taking a physical  and mental toll on me, yet I still lasted another seven years before I finally retired.  No one knew anything about what I had endured as a child.

Retirement.  It was supposed to be a great time.  Relax, do all those things you always wanted to do.  I went into a very deep depression.  We were warned this could happen, leaving the military, losing your identity...the only thing I had known for 22 years. For the first time I sought counseling at the VA Hospital in Denver, the closest location to where I was living at the time. Surprisingly, I was asked about my childhood.  I thought, what does this have to do with anything?  Plenty I found out.  I have been in and out of counseling ever since then.  It’s not a one and done process. 

But, what if counseling isn’t the easiest option?

• If you are eligible for VA medical:

  • Have you received your VA Card and description of your unique medical benefits package of what you can be seen for? 

    • Everything you need to know is at this link: https://www.va.gov/health-care/about-va-health-benefits/

  • What if the wait for a VA hospital provider is months? 

    • First ask about Community Care if you want to stay with the VA system:

https://www.va.gov/resources/eligibility-for-community-care-outside-va/

• What if the nearest VA facility is too far away and the virtual option does not work for me? 

  • Ask about Community Care if you want to stay within the VA system. 

https://www.va.gov/resources/eligibility-for-community-care-outside-va/

• What if I don’t have transportation to the VA facility? 

  • You may be eligible for assistance:

https://www.va.gov/healthbenefits/vtp/

• What if I’m homeless? 

  • The VA may be able to help:

https://www.va.gov/health-care/#how-do-i-get-help-if-im-homele

• What if the counselor’s hours don’t fit my availability due to my job and/or home responsibilities

  • Check for a community group or app that fits your schedule. Go to Resources and Groups.

• What if I have tried VA care and I have found it lacking?

  • Check for a community group or app that fits your schedule. Go to Resources and Groups 

• If you are not eligible for VA medical

  • Check for a community group or app that fits your schedule. Go to Resources and Groups. 

I did not know about all of the resources and options available outside of VA counseling, until my latest counselor told me about one of the civilian groups. I wanted to bring this information all together on one site, so people do not have to search for help.  

I wanted to provide a community where you can connect with other Veterans.  I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time connecting with non-Veterans myself.  The military is all I have ever known.  I was an Army brat from birth until I graduated.  I’m retired Air Force.  I was a Navy Spouse after I retired, for 8 years.  I’ve worked for my HQ as a contractor and a civilian, plus I worked for the Army for a couple of years as a civilian.  I have only worked outside the government for 2 years out of my entire life.

Find what works for you.  I have gone to in-person counseling and group; and online counseling and group. I have made progress, backslid, pulled myself up again, struggled, and I keep trying to walk this survivor’s path...much of the time alone.  I told you I have a sister. She has been walking on this survivor’s path long before I started.  That first step is hard, and so are many of the steps afterwards, but you came here for a reason.  Start your journey toward healing and know that you are not alone.* CAPTA provides Federal funding and guidance to States in support of prevention, assessment, investigation, prosecution, and treatment activities and also provides grants to public agencies and nonprofit organizations, including Indian Tribes and Tribal organizations, for demonstration programs and projects. Additionally, CAPTA identifies the Federal role in supporting research, evaluation, technical assistance, and data collection activities; establishes the Office on Child Abuse and Neglect; and establishes a national clearinghouse of information relating to child abuse and neglect.1 CAPTA also sets forth a Federal definition of child abuse and neglect.About CAPTA: A Legislative History | Child Welfare Information Gateway

** The Talia Williams Child Abuse Notification Act (“Talia’s Law”) was passed in December 2016 and compels members of the armed forces, Department of Defense civilian employees or contractor employees to report any suspected abuse on a military post to State Child Protective Services in addition to military personnel.Remembering Talia - National Children's Alliance (nationalchildrensalliance.org)